I've never ever thought i will live to this age.
Of course while in one-digit (and even teen) age, anyone over the third x seemed to be in almost-pensioner age, just a couple years away from retirement. Aside of mum who will always stay young, of course.
Then sometime after hitting two digits came the realization that twenty-something
is a reasonable age so thirtysomething might not be
that old, after all. It must be a comfortable middle-age; but we'll never get there anyways as teens and twenties will last, like, about forever.
Getting beyond the second x comes the first tentative sign of a strange thing called wisdom: one looks back and admits being young and silly, which now, being a serious adult with two decades of experience, they can see. That lasts until the middle of the decade when everything goes downhill with a frantic search for some imaginary "break" to stop the passing of the time and get protected against the impending doom of the number 3.
Which is of course futile and with that realisation comes the thought that now we are in the same age our parent were at the time of our first memories.
Actually they were a bit younger as they get married and started families at a younger age then we do.
I've really, never, ever thought i will live to see this age. It seemed way too old, way too serious, way too late to do anything unless done before.
Also i've never thought that i'll manage to survive to this age. That we won't get destroyed by a third world war or a global downturn into tyranny or some uncurable illness be it an epidemic or aids or an alien virus from space. Or by simply being hit by a car. Or just being told by someone that i didn't made the cut and society doesn't need me anymore.
I even thought that unless i can prove that i've achieved something - career, or a house with dogs and kids and husband, or a finished novel - then i will just simple evaporate as "someone not worthy".
Of course the last couple years made me realise none of these will happen and indeed almost certainly i'll get to the age of thirty. And over.
And i won't drop dead or be ostracized or written down. Actually, barely anyone will notice. Barely anyone will think " ah she's thirty and achived nothing" because, well, no one cares.
And on brighter side, the majority is still older then me, despite the feeling that the streets are full of teens and kids and younger people who think exactly the same thing i thought about age. And they will come to the same conclusion, or more likely, they won't even ponder about it like i did.
I'm not sure i will ever like my age though.
Maybe it
is just a number - while in school, everyone told me i'm more mature then my age and only realized recently that that was only partially true as i was really immature in some aspects. (Which explains why i've puzzled some of my teachers so much.) I'm still immature in things. I also look younger then my age - being short is an advantage sometimes :) I also behave younger then my age, being a member of the Peter Pan generation and something of a geek.
Only thing i know is i can't turn time back. I can't even slow it down. I can't change things that happened in my past and can't put my life on a different track so to end up somewhere else. I have tons of regrets and while i'll have to bear with that weight i sincerely hope that my next decade will be better then the last one.
After all, i'm a serious thirty-years-old now.
This is how my knitting corner looks like.